Too much cake. Too much ice cream. Too many wrappers. Too many bows.
Like a little kid after a birthday party, I'm tired of watching others open gifts when I had none, and I'm tired of eating sweets when I didn't get to blow out the candles.
Like a little kid, I seem unable to reason. It's not that I have no gifts--just not these gifts. It's not that I don't like sweets, it's just that I feel full of them to the exclusion of the more substantial.
Like a little kid, I'm uncertain how to manage my confusion, my uncertainty, my desires. So I sulk. I stomp. I insult. I ignore. I demand. I cry.
Being selfish is agonizing, but then, so is surrendering.
I pick surrender.
2 comments:
Ceri, as a recovering cynic, nitpicker and criticizer (sp?), I am finding freedom in some of those times like you mentioned by praise and gratitude even when every cell in my body fights against it, and when I think that I am too far above the rest of the crowd to see my own dirt... far from perfect, but it seems to make some difference... keep writing!
Lately I've been picking selfishness. It is such a good feeling sometimes (especially when chocolate is involved); however, I see that surrender might be a good idea.
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